**I'm all grown up. Im 36 years old, Im married, and I have two children. I have worked so hard for 36 years to find the answers to so many questions in life. I'm all grown up.***
I've been so busy thinking about my future, what I must do, and my daily responsibilities that I never seem to look back upon my past. Recently, in my attempts to understand S-class, I forced myself to go back into my memories of middle school.
At first, I was confused. Was my childhood a happy childhood? Would I remember the triumphs or the heartaches first? Was there more pain or laughter? Did I miss my past or was I glad that it was all over? A wave of emotions poured over me.
My thoughts as a middle school student made me cringe:
*Why do I act like this?
*I wish I could be more confident in front of others.
*I wish I didnt care what others thought about me.
*I wish I had the courage to tell that girl she looks so pretty.
*I wish I never trusted that friend.
*I wish I could be more sincere in my studies...I dont wish I worked harder...but I should at least do a little more...I know Im being lazy...I just dont want to do it.
*I wish somebody could understand what Im going through.
*I wish I could grow up quickly, be done with school, and be free!
*I wish I wasnt so lonely.
*I wish my parents supported me.
*I wish adults would ask before yelling.
*I wish I was famous...that everybody knew my name.
*And most importantly, I wish the gospel made sense to me in the REAL world. "Dont worry and trust God? Is God going to take my SATs? Is God going to make kids like me?"
Ugh.. I was so stupid.
All these thoughts from middle school brought a scowl upon my face, so I immediately thought of the good times...
...
...
Wait...there WERE at least SOME good times...right?
It didnt seem like it back then. Middle school seemed hopelessly miserable. Mostly bad, very little good.
Oh man...is THIS how S-class feels?
The truth is, my past has led me all over, I have experienced many things, and I have some battlewounds leftover to remind me of the past. Yes, even middle school is a part of the past that makes me who I am today...
God used every single day of my past to bring me to this point of immeasurable joy.
I'm all grown up. I have worked so hard for 36 years to find the answers to so many questions in life. I'm all grown up...right?
-but God is still teaching me today
-God will continue to teach me until I die
Im all grown up
Still growing up
I get it S-class...I get it. Just be patient.